The Fact of the Matter

I am struggling a little.  For about the whole first year of Ivy's life, I was struggling a lot.  I am doing so much better now, by comparison, and there are lots of good moments, but there are also moments when I am just feeling better enough to be angry instead of just depressed, and I am still more easily thrown off than I used to be.  For a long time I felt like I was running in front of a bulldozer, like I was tripping, and there were things going down all around me, but I couldn't stop or I would be a pancake.  Now I feel more like I'm treading water, like if I just keep going and going, maybe I can keep my head mostly out of the water.  It's not floating down a lazy river, but I haven't drowned yet, so I'm going to go ahead and call that a win.

And I feel hopeful.  Because, hey!  Not that long ago, it was the bulldozer, right?  And things have gotten better, and so maybe they will keep getting better, and at some point, maybe I will feel like I have my life, and myself, under control.

And I feel grateful.  Because, let's be honest:  all things considered, my life is pretty great.  And, if we're really being honest, this whole, long, not-my-favorite experience has probably been really good for me.  You know, in the long run.

And I feel introspective.  Because this last long time of being who I don't want to be has really got me thinking about who I do want to be.  And what that person does.  And says.  And doesn't do or say.  And why.

And I'm trying to remember to breathe and keep my eyes wide open for all of the beautiful moments.

Asher the Photographer

The Skirt

Asher picked five.  I guess I should have seen that coming since he is five years old.  Although for a long time his favorite number was nine, "because it looks like a smile!"  Next time I'll have him pick a number out of a hat.  For now, our winner is Kathryn whose four-year-old needs a new big sister present.  Thank you to everyone for helping to cheer me up.  This did make me feel a lot better, so perhaps we'll do it again sometime!

Grouchy Giveaway

Hey, sports fans!  I am grouchy today.  I went for a walk.  It didn't help.  I went to Costco.  It didn't help.  I ate chocolate.  It didn't help.  I let the boys watch a movie during quiet time so that it would actually be quiet.  It only helped a little.  I am running out of ideas here.  They say that focusing on others instead of yourself is supposed to be a good mood booster.  So, here's the plan:  I have this fabric sitting in my stash:

I am going to turn it into a little girl's skirt using Dana's simple skirt tutorial.  If you would like said skirt for your daughter/niece/friend/little-girl-with-whom-you-would-like-to-be-friends, leave a comment and I will pick a winner at random.  Actually, Asher probably will.  I'm thinking I'll just ask him to choose a number between one and however-many-entrants-there-are.  It's still just a big rectangle at this point, so we can make it to fit the winner.

So leave a comment by midnight on Monday, June 3 and I'll get to work.  Comments like, "Pick me!" are definitely acceptable, but if your comment should happen to include something funny- a good joke or story, a link to your own chuckle-worthy blog post, etc., it would probably help with the grouchiness.  If you are feeling grouchy and need a laugh, check out Studio C on BYUtv.  Just don't stay up late to watch all of the episodes or you might wake up grouchy tomorrow.

A Little Shopping Trip

Today, I took my kids to Costco.  We headed out the door at 11:15.  Ivy generally takes a nap between 12:00 and 12:30 these days, so I figured if I was quick, I should be able to make it, or at least come close.  On the way, we passed the Carter's store, and since all of their clearance items were an extra 25% off for Memorial Day weekend, I decided to stop in for just a minute.  Hugh has informed me that when I say I am going to stop at a clothing store for "just a minute," it means about the same as when his mother says that she is going to stop at a clothing store for "just a minute," which, in case you have never gone shopping with Hugh's mom, means that you will be there for at least a good hour.

At Carter's, I scoured all of the clearance racks.  Twice.  I walked up and down the store a couple of times to make certain that I wasn't missing anything.  I picked up a whole stack of things, and then just as I was about to start looking back through the stack to decide which of the things in it my children actually needed (or, which things were so cute and so cheap that it would just be a crime not to buy them), Asher announced that he needed to go to the bathroom.  Right now.  He is on antibiotics for the terrible ear infection that followed the horrible cold with accompanying pink eye that he had last week. (Actually, all three of my children are on antibiotics for terrible ear infections following the horrible colds with accompanying pink eye that they all had last week.) Asher's intestines are not fans of the antibiotics.

Of course, since Asher needed to go to the bathroom, Simon needed to go too.  So, I escorted Asher back to the women's restroom.  I escorted Simon back to the men's restroom.  I left Ivy buckled into the stroller at the back of the store, standing guard over my big stack of clothes.  I helped Asher change out of his slightly soiled underwear and into a Pull-up.  I helped Simon put all of his clothes, which were scattered all over the bathroom floor, back on.  I tried not to think about what kind of germs, exactly, were probably all over the bathroom floor.  (It's a small store.  It looked pretty clean in there.  Nobody seems to be dying yet, but I'll keep you posted.)

Once everybody was rested and clothed, I made my way back to my stack.  I moved things back and forth between the "probably" pile and the "probably not" pile until I felt good about what was in each one.  Then I headed to the check-out.  I made my purchases and led my little gaggle back to the car.

Once everybody was buckled into their seats, I pulled out my receipt to make sure that everything had gone just as I thought it would at the cash register.  (And to re-experience the joy of finding thirty-five dollar sweaters for five dollars.  If you have ever gone shopping with Hugh's mom, you will know that reading over the receipt to re-experience that kind of joy is a post-shopping must for her too.)  It turned out that things hadn't quite gone according to plan.  I had accidentally bought Simon two of the same sweater in different sizes.  I had left the size decision for the last minute, but when the last minute came, I had forgotten about it.  I locked the car and ran like the wind back into the store to return one of them. By the time I was back in the car, ready to go to Costco (for real, this time), it was 1:00.

Undeterred, we set out to to get our groceries.  We did much better for time at our original destination.  It took us one hour to complete our Costco trip, including driving times, stopping for samples, and another trip to the bathroom for both boys.  When we got home, I put a very tired Ivy down for a very late nap.  And I fed the boys some yogurt.